Let’s face it—grief is awkward.
When someone is grieving, we want to say something meaningful. Something heartfelt, helpful, and healing. We want to show we care. But often, we’re afraid of saying the wrong thing—so we often say nothing at all.
Here’s the truth: when someone is grieving, it matters less what you say than that you say something. Your presence, not your precision, is what comforts the most.
One year ago today, my wife’s mother, Pat Wright, died unexpectedly. We were driving to Colorado when we got the call that she had passed early that morning, July 1. We were shocked. We cried. We stopped. We prayed. And we turned around to drive back to Tennessee.
That day felt endless. Our kids and family gathered in the days that followed, and the church community in Columbia cared for us with food, hugs, and help. We mourned, we remembered, we made funeral arrangements in Tennessee and later buried her in Dothan, Alabama.
Today, we’re back in Dothan placing flowers on her grave—and her brother’s and grandparents’ as well. And yes, we’re still grieving. Because grief doesn’t have a timeline. It doesn’t fit neatly into stages. It continues, sometimes in the background, sometimes in full force. And that’s okay.
Grief, though, isn’t limited to the death of a loved one. We grieve dropping off a child at college. We grieve over a divorce. We grieve the loss of friendships. We grieve the loss of jobs. We grieve the loss of dreams. We grieve injustice. We grieve the loss of health. We grieve the sin and brokenness of this world. Grief is a painful, unavoidable part of life.
Grief is painful, personal, and deeply human. But the Bible shows us how to grieve with God—not apart from Him.
Grieving Like David
In 2 Samuel 1, David received devastating news: King Saul was dead, and so was Jonathan—David’s closest friend. And with them, many in Israel had fallen in battle. David, though, didn’t hide his pain. He didn’t pretend to be fine. Instead:
“David took hold of his clothes and tore them, and all the men with him did the same. They mourned, wept, and fasted until evening for Saul, his son Jonathan, the Lord’s people, and the house of Israel”
(2 Samuel 1:11–12)
David shows us what good, godly grief looks like.
1. David honored God’s authority
David didn’t rejoice over Saul’s death—even though Saul had tried to kill him. Why? Because David respected God’s authority. When an Amalekite claimed he had killed Saul, David replied:
“How is it that you were not afraid to lift your hand to destroy the Lord’s anointed?”
(2 Samuel 1:14)
David grieved Saul not because Saul was a great king, but because he belonged to the Lord.
2. David trusted God’s sovereignty
Long before Saul’s death, David had opportunities to end Saul’s life but refused. He believed God alone had the right to raise up and remove leaders. Even in grief, David trusted that God was in control—even when life felt out of control.
3. David grieved deeply
He tore his clothes. He fasted. He wept. He composed a song of grief and sorrow, known as “The Song of the Bow”:
“How the mighty have fallen in the thick of battle! Jonathan lies slain on your heights. I grieve for you, Jonathan, my brother. You were such a friend to me. Your love for me was more wondrous than the love of women.”
(2 Samuel 1:25–26)
David didn’t hold back. He grieved with honesty and depth.
What Can We Learn from David’s Grief?
David not only grieved—he led others in their grief. He wrote a song of sorrow and instructed that it be taught to the people of Judah (2 Samuel 1:17–18). His grief became a communal expression of loss.
God didn’t rebuke David for his grief—He preserved it in Scripture as an example for us.
- Grief is not weakness.
- Grief is not unspiritual.
- Grief is not a lack of faith.
Grief is the natural response of love in a broken world. It is how godly people process pain in the presence of God.
How to Walk with the Grieving
Over the years of interacting with people as a pastor and over the past year as our family has walked in grief, I’ve discovered what to say and what not to say to people who are grieving. If someone you love is grieving, you don’t need to fix it—you just need to be with them in it.
I’ve discovered that when you’re grieving, you know who has acknowledged it in some way and who hasn’t. You just do. When someone you love has died, it is as if a hurdle has been placed between you and every person you know, and that hurdle stays in place until the loss has been acknowledged in some way. When someone is grieving, it matters less what you say than that you say something. Your presence, not saying the perfect thing, is what comforts the most.
Here are a few reminders:
- Say something. Even “I’m so sorry” or “I don’t know what to say, but I’m here” can break the barrier of silence.
- Don’t overtalk. Listen more than you speak.
- Don’t assume. Don’t say, “I know how you feel.” Let them share if and when they’re ready.
- Don’t rush their healing. Avoid phrases like “You’ll be fine,” “you’ll be better after the first year,” or “It’s time to move on.” Grief doesn’t follow a schedule.
Do something tangible. Don’t say, “Let me know if you need anything.” They won’t. Instead, bring a meal. Send a card. Mow the lawn. Fill the fridge. Share a memory.
We still remember the people who showed up for us in simple, practical ways—and we thank God for them. In fact, they’re still showing up and walking with us in our grief.
Grieve with Hope
Grief is real. But so is our hope in Jesus.
David grieved with confidence in the Lord. And as followers of Christ, we can too. The One who wept at Lazarus’s tomb also conquered death. The One who cried out in agony on the cross is the same One who will wipe every tear from our eyes.
“Death will be no more; grief, crying, and pain will be no more, because the previous things have passed away.”
(Revelation 21:4)
Until that day, we grieve. But we do not grieve alone, and we do not grieve without hope. Jesus walks with us in our sorrow. He holds our tears. And one day, He will make all things new.
That’s good grief, my friends.
Follow me… as I follow JESUS Christ.
following Jesus 